One of life's single most helpful questions is, "Says who?"

When faced with any truth claim, it's essential to know by what standard that claim is being made. What rules are being applied? What authority does the statement have?

The reason this is so helpful is because we live in an age of half-truths and nebulous creeds. Every day, we see hundreds of platitudes lining our social media pages like a perpetual senior quotes bulletin. To many, these sweet and savory sayings help them get through a tough day or season of life. To others, they become life's rallying cry. But most are about as authoritative as Monopoly money.

Some of the recommendations are great, no doubt, but if you're a Christian, many of the statements meant to encourage your faith are what might be called "truthy." They have the appearance of truth — they smell Christian enough — but aren't rooted in any real authority. To be clear, it's not that all quotes outside of scripture are wrong, but if the feel-good quote of the month doesn't have any true root, then it can't produce any true fruit. They become a low-grade pastiche of scripture.

We want to be people of The Book. In all things, we want the question of "says who" to be answered with "God says." It is scripture, as 2 Timothy 3:16 (ESV) says, that "is authoritative and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."

With that understanding, let's talk about marriage. In the world of "try this" Christian marriage strategies de jour, are there true and lasting directives for wives and husbands? Is there authoritative advice for the difficult adventure of marriage? The answer is yes, and the advice is timeless, tough, and trustworthy. It's God's word, and it is standard over slogan, principle over platitude.

So, I offer these hard but beautiful gems from Ephesians 5 as an example.

"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. - Ephesians 5:31-32 (NIV)

Paul is saying that marriage (when a man and wife hold fast to each other) is a profound mystery because it is an explicit reflection of Christ and the church.

In other words, there is a standard or purpose for our marriages, and that purpose is to express and expose the gospel–Christ and his Church.

Our marriages are not aimless endeavors meant to fulfill our personal desires or comfort the years of our troubled lives, but rather, they are a public covenant display of God's beauty in the way he has loved the whole world. The benefits are fruit, not root.

Not only does God say that there is a specific goal for our marriages, but there are specific roles within our marriages, too. The ways are humbling and hard, but they are the only way to do marriage right. They are standard.

In my own marriage, it is often the case that our recurring frustrations (polite for arguments) can usually be traced back to the same essential offenses over and over again. Because men and women are distinct in their creation, yet they are intended to complement each other, our needs are generally different. Like how some cars run on different types of fuel, I, as a man, generally run on the fuel of respect, while my wife runs on the fuel of love. The lowest common denominator in our frustrations can usually be traced back to discord in this area. She can love me well (and she does), but if I feel that she doesn't respect me, then I get discouraged and annoyed. In a similar way, I can respect her how I wish I was respected and neglect to love her well, which has an oversized influence. God's word in Ephesians Five is very helpful here, and it explains the general principle of loving within a marriage relationship and how each party has its unique role to play. God commands us to love in ways that aren't natural to us.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, wives should also submit everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:22-25 (NIV)

Wives, submit. Husbands, die.

Wives, honor. Husbands, love.

The gospel is shocking because holy love willingly sacrifices for the benefit of the undeserved, and our minds can hardly comprehend it.

As husbands, our role in marriage is to imitate Christ. Go and die. Get familiar with the feeling. Quit complaining. Knock off the self-pity and lay our lives down.

What if she is sinful? Should I continue to sacrifice for her? Romans 5:8 tells us Christ did just that.

Wives, your role in marriage is to imitate the Church's willing response to Christ. Submit and be responsive. Honor and serve your home with willing hands, just like the Church models obedience and submission to Christ. Obviously, your husband isn't Christ, but the way you serve him publicly shows what a redeemed life of joyful service looks like.

Do you need to submit to every man this way? No, the text says that this is reserved for our own husbands. Should you serve him if he is being sinful? Yes, outside of sinning to serve your spouse, 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct."

Underneath the myriad of sweet strategies and spicy suggestions, there is an ironclad set of unchanging and rugged rules.

God's sacrificial love is most on display in the family. When children watch their fathers joyfully lay their lives down for the people they love, it provides them a frame of reference to understand the gospel. Men model the gospel in the dying.

As a complement to man's love, which is different in its glory, a wife's or mother's glad and willing service, honor, and respect should help us to understand how the Church responds in worship to Christ as we observe her character. Women model the gospel in the living.

There are certain non-negotiable standards in marriage.

Says who? God says.